He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
