Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
my sisters under your porch take her home
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
