i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Randomize
