My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize