Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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