he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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