I think im going to throw up on grandma
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
