I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
