just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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