Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
