I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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