he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
