Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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