Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Randomize
