We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize