You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
