So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
