so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Randomize
