The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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