Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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