Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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