so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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