Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
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