you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
