fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
