Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I love black thongs
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
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