I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
