It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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