You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
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