My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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