Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
