Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
