I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
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