I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Why are your pants in the freezer?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
