clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize