Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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