I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
