in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
