Her vagina should come with caution tape.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
