Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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