how can u be prego again
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
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