so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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