My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
