Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
