"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
