He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
