nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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