we're blogging at a bar
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
