I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize
