im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
We need to rekindle our bromance
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Text me some of your sweat
Your penis caused this!
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
