WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
