After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
