just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
birth control should be required to get into college
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
