Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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