My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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