i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
