life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
