That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
