I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Randomize
