Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
