When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
