I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Randomize
