his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
