Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize
