I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
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