oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
