I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
His hands were made for my vagina.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
