I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
