I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
