When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
