I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
