After last night, I could never be a politician.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize
