The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
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All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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